Dear God
Today is Sunday and I went to church in the morning for the Sunday mass. Father do you know, Ever since this priest became my parish vicar 3 years back my Sundays are really bad. There is no you in the prayers. They are just some functions. They are using you to spread hatred, construct buildings, makes new rules and regulations and bad words. Why Father your church is becoming like this? For the last 3 years every day I was expecting the day he gets transferred after the 3 year service. So I never complained about it for last years and expected a better day. Today he dropped the bomb at the end of the mass that his due transfer is postponed for another year.
I am not involved in church politics and committee's. I want my Sunday's to be spend with you and every prayers and speeches to energies me to make a better person. There is saying in Malayalam that "Mulla Poombadi Ettu Kiddakum Kallinum undu oru saurbhyam". I am also becoming a worse person after attending the service by this priest. Since born and brought in Malankara Orthodox church I don't want to leave this church. But these types priest and decisions make me more and more away from it. But why your church is forcing me take alternatives?
God, do you know on the Passion Week Thursday evening prayer and retreat I attended the another church and retreat. There was this Mr prakash lead the retreat and it took me different level of realization. It fed me lot +ve thoughts and motivates me to be better person. On the contrary on Good Friday on my own church there was quiz competition and made the full Good Friday a Joke.
You told me to forgive others. Give me strength to forgive this priest the who makes my every Sunday miserable and bishop who bends the rules for his favorites. Also forgive me if the letter is bad. I know you will do it. But never the priest or bishops.
My Lord and My God. I love you and give strength to face it for another year!!
Love
Tiju Titus John
Bangalore
2 comments:
Hi,
Just thought of writing this.
I see your frustration. Maybe try this: Why do you focus on the priest who ruins your Sundays? Maybe the next priest will be worse?
The relationship is between you and your God. A speech or a good song can help, but that is not the goal for going to Church is it? As Orthodox Christians we have a great benefit others dont. We go there to experience the Lord into our Bodies - to partake in the Holy Body and Blood, and then to use that to renew our lives for the rest of the week. Even if the priest (lets assume the best priest you know) has an off day in Church, still it does not matter - because it depends not on him but on our preparation how much we experience the Lord.
Maybe the next Sunday get hold of a LEctionary (ask me I can send you a link if you dont have one), then read the Bible portions (Old Testament, Epistles and Gospel) beforehand and meditate on them as preparation for the Holy Qurbana. Meditate on Psalms 51 before the Holy Qurbana. Spend time in prayer as preparation. Remember your sins, small and big, and repent.
Think of the vision of Isaiah (ch. 6) and long to have that experience. Think of John being banished into Patmos island and longing to see the heavenly glory (which is when the Revelations was given to Him) and yearn for that experience. Think of how much you miss the Lord and yearn to see Him in Church.(the longing is important)
Ask in prayer to enable you to have communion with the Holy Saints during the Qurbana (think of Parumala Thirumeni, Pampadi Thirumeni's presence in the Madbaha - long for it)
Pray that your beloved departed and you together experience the Holy COmmunion today in Church. (these are small prayers I use)
Then go to Church and partake in the Holy Qurbana keeping these things in mind. In each prayer (even when others are shouting) sing melodiously and meditate only on the Lord. Think about the meaning of each section of the Holy Qurbana (the living sacrifice book if you have, has explanations - I have posted a link for the online version on orkut). See if the experience is any different. My experience is that irrespective of the strengths or weaknesses of the priest, it is we who make or break the experience of our Holy Qurbana. God bless.
Write to me at mat430_2000@yahoo.com
Thanks for the long comments. I think frustrating part is the bad words, anger and hatred and unnecessary importance to symbols etc.
As you said I should forgive all these stuff and keep focusing on God. I don't want to run away. I could follow ure advice keep my self out of these silly distractions.
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